First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
