ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
