But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
