youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
Life is so much better after having sex.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Randomize
