Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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