Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Vodka?
Forever.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Randomize
