i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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