Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
