U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
