If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize