omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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