nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
