Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
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