I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
