My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Naked. naked and bneed help.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
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