take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
