she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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