When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
