I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Randomize