Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
