Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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