Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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