hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I can't turn off my feet"
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
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