he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
How drunk are you?
Completed.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
