that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
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