So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
