I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
