you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
