Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize
