There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
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