I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
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