just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
