you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
