Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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