Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Randomize
