i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
