After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
