I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
