ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Boobs speak an international language.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Randomize
