I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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