She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
