You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
