Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Randomize
