His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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