Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Randomize
