I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
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