just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
