this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
