remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
