oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
