part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
Randomize
