peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
