i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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