i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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