she looked like the before picture.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
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