Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
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