I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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