Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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