youre lurking in front of me
I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
