I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
