If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
