Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Randomize
