Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Randomize
