how can u be prego again
I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
