i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
