You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize