; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
That accounts for only three of the penises
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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