OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Randomize
