By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Randomize
