You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
He did a backflip because drugs
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
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