Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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