That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
Randomize
