From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
