Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
i out mim tonsoeep
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