Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
