I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
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